I first became aware of who Dr. Benjamin Hardy was when he was promoting his new book, Willpower Doesn’t Work. The fact that you had a chance to win Joe Polish’s Tesla if you bought a copy of the book may or may not have been part of the reason that book is now on my self. However, the Tesla isn’t in my garage. As I read more of his work on Medium and on other platforms, I began to gain a real appreciation for what he does. I love how he’s willing to be controversial on a topic, and then he backs it up from personal experience.
A couple of months ago I was listening to one of my favorite podcast shows, The Richie Norton Show, and Richie was interviewing Benjamin and talking about his upcoming book, Personality Isn’t Permanent. It was a great interview and it made me reflect back on my own life and how I’ve seen changes in my personality over the years.
A story that he shared on the podcast, and one he also talks about in his book, was when he was dating his wife, Lauren. They spent some time with some of his old high school friends. He said, “she saw a side of me she didn’t know existed and, frankly, didn’t like.” He explained how his present and former selves were two very different people and when he was with his old friends, he shifted back “into the role, identity, behavior, and even language patterns he exhibited in high school.”
The following day I noticed that Richie had posted something on Facebook talking about the interview. By this time I had already pre-ordered my copy of the book. But I was intrigued and wanted to hear what others had thought of the interview and started to read the comments on the post. I recall one individual who only had to read the title to know he was not going to agree with Benjamin. I don’t recall the full context of his comments, but he believed that in essence, you can have changes within yourself as an individual, but your personality is permanent and remains that way throughout your life.
I’m sure that there are a number of things in his book that he will get some opposition to and the fact that he argues that personality tests are about as scientific as horoscopes is sure to stir some emotions.
Personality Isn’t Permanent will be available on June 16. When I was given the opportunity to review it ahead of time, I jumped on it and I’m glad that I did. I’m the type of person that underlines, highlights, and writes notes in the margin when I read a book. This book is a mess with all my highlights, scribbles, and notes. I really enjoyed reading and absorbing this book. Though many of the things Benjamin talks about could be considered controversial, he backs them up with solid, logical evidence.
This is the first that I’m actually writing about this book, but over the past couple of weeks, I have discussed it’s content and specific ideas in my podcast, Daily Success Strategies.
Who You Become Is A Choice
“Human beings are works in progress that mistakenly think they’re finished.” – Daniel Gilbert, PhD
I’ve been involved in a number of leadership events where we’ve talked about personality tests. I’ve learned how they can help you to understand your team and how they can help you build a team by matching the right personalities together. But one thing always seemed to be an assumed fact. Once someone was given their results from their test. Once they were identified as Red, Square, Horse, or whatever the particular personality test used, that is what they were pegged for life.
From my own life, I know that I am a very different person than I was 20 years ago. All aspects of my life, including my personality, are different.
As I read, I wasn’t wondering if our personalities could change, because I know they can. I was more curious about the possibility of intentionally making that change yourself to become the person you want to be.
With these thoughts in my mind, I reflected on a story I heard Jeff Goins tell about how he strategically defined who he wanted to be. It wasn’t more than a few pages later that Benjamin shared that exact story!
Benjamin condenses Jeff’s story here:
“When done intentionally and strategically, defining yourself as a certain “type” of person, or giving yourself a specific label, may be useful. For instance, Jeff Goins had always wanted to be a writer but hadn’t done anything about it. Yet, when he labeled himself as a “writer,” that identification bolstered him to start writing, and, ultimately, to become a successful author.”
Create Your Future Self
“Life isn’t about finding yourself. Life is about creating yourself.” – George Bernard Shaw
You are not “caused” by your past
Benjamin emphasizes that your personality is an effect, not a cause and you primarily shape your personality by the goals that you have set for yourself. When you have set specific goals and are intentional about where you are going, he says you can become the person who you want to become.
He says that successful people start by figuring out who they want to become and use that as a filter for everything they do.
Explaining this, he uses the example of Matthew McConaughey’s hero speech when he won an Academy Award for Best Actor.
When I was fifteen years old, I had a very important person in my life come to me and say, “Who’s your hero?” And I said… “You know who it is? It’s me in ten years.” So I turned twenty-five. Ten years later, that same person comes to me and says, “So, are you a hero?” And I was like, “Not even close! No, no, no.” she said, “Why?” I said, “because my hero’s me at thirty-five.” So you see, every day, every week, every month, and every year of my life, my hero’s always ten years away. I’m never gonna be my hero. I’m not gonna attain that. I know I’m not, and that’s just fine with me, because that keeps me with somebody to keep on chasing.
“One day, you will become your future self. The question is: Who is your future self?”
This stresses the importance of setting specific goals and intentionally working towards who you want to become. You should think, focus, and act like the person you intend to become, not as who you are right now. If you are not doing this, who’s creating the future you? Are you going to leave that to chance? Leave it to your environment or what happens to you?
If you don’t have very specific and intentional goals set for yourself, start with my free Momentum Series training that will walk you through the process to get started.
Your personality can, should, and does change. It will change according to how you see yourself, how you act, and the environment you are in. You absolutely can become the person you want to be when you act intentionally and are aware of this.
“Life is a classroom. You’re here to grow. You’re here to live by faith and design. You’re here. You’re here to choose. The choice is yours. Who will you be?”
This clip was taken from our January 22, 2020 Inner Circle Mastermind call where I was talking about Dana Derricks Dream 100 Book.
“Everybody is chasing around their customers and trying to sell their products/services directly to them.It’s happened for hundreds of years.But, there’s a better way.It’s the Dream 100.Instead of going after your potential customers directly, like 99% of businesses or sales people, you go after people with LISTS of your potential customers.” Dana Derricks
Click HERE to get your FEE copy of the DREAM 100 BOOK!
To find out how you can join us on our weekly Inner Circle Mastermind calls, click HERE
The end of the year is fast approaching. This is always an exciting time to be gauging the progress you’ve made and preparing to enter the new fresh year ahead.
As we approach the end of 2019, how have you done?
Have you achieved the goals you set for yourself at the beginning of the year?
Are you where you thought you would be? Where you want to be?
What can you still accomplish before the end of the year? Is there anything that just requires a little more focus and effort that you could achieve?
How are you approaching 2020?
Don’t wait until January 1 to get started.
Start planning now.
Set your goals now.
Start taking action on your plans and goals, now.
Get started and build momentum to hit the new year going full speed. Give yourself the unfair advantage of starting now and get a head start on 2020.
As we look back on the past year and start to prepare for the new year, it’s a great time to take a step back and look at where you are.
Where are your relationships at?
What are your personal circumstances?
What are your professional circumstances?
In each of these areas are you a giver or are you a taker?
What changes do you need to make?
Eric Thomas said, “If you are broke in any area of your life, it’s because you’re not adding enough value in that area.”
I want to focus on the topic of relationships. What value are you adding to your most important relationships?
How are you adding value?
When talking about the value added to a relationship, Eric Thomas suggests thinking about your five closest friends. Out of that group of five, you have to get rid of one, which one would it be? This question can usually be answered fairly fast. You know who it would be. It’s the one that is not adding as much value to the relationship as the others are.
There are people in your life that you can cut loose and it won’t change your life
If this is the case for you, it’s the same for everybody else too.
So, when you are looking at your relationships, ask yourself who you are in other people’s lives.
Who are you adding enough value to that they need you to be there?
Are you adding enough value to the relationships that you consider to be important?
If someone is willing to end their relationship with you, it’s not because you are adding a lot of value to the relationship.
The more value you can add to others, the more that will come back to you.
As you are setting your goals and planning for 2020, take a look at all of your important relationships.
Are you currently adding enough value?
What could you do to add more value?
Include this as part of the goal-setting process.
As you continually look to add value with no expectation of anything in return, you’ll have an opportunity to see an abundance of value being added to your life.
If you would like to join a group of success-focused individuals who are always looking to add value to others, check out our Inner Circle Mastermind and joining our weekly conversations. You can click HERE to find out more.
I recently learned the story of a man, who by all accounts would be considered to be successful. He’s done some amazing things in his life that are nothing short of incredible. As I learned more about his background and his life I became more and more amazed. As I looked at his life, I wondered how he was able to overcome things in his life that would have crushed others. From a very young age, all the way through to his adult years he was faced with unbelievable adversity. Things that no human should have to go through.
This has really had me thinking. Why is it that a boy can go through abuse and punishment every day of his life and still develop into a strong and confident man. While at the same time, someone who has every opportunity in the world handed to them never becomes successful?
As I’ve spent time thinking about this and analyzing different situations, I’ve found a few key characteristics that I believe can help anyone be more successful.
The mind is such a powerful tool for good or bad. Once we can understand and control our mind, our world expands. As we search for ways to be successful in life, we have to start in our mind.
Our first challenge is to recognize that not all physical and mental limitations are real. Too many people believe their own lies or the lies of others. They throw in the towel way too soon.
Develop a Can-Do Attitude
A person with a can-do attitude faces adversity with confidence. They look at it for what it is, a challenge that they have to overcome to get to where they want to be. They are focused on achieving a goal and something that gets in their way isn’t going to stop them.
Mindset matters. Having a can-do attitude is a state of mind. When we expect progress and feel optimistic, challenges can be seen as opportunities and stress can be motivating. When you do get down and discouraged, it’s easier to get back up and find the positive.
Your life is created in your mind before it’s manifested in reality. Whether you have a can-do or can’t-do attitude, you’ll be right.
Start With The First Step
Consistency builds momentum, but it all starts with the first step.
Take the first step in the direction of your goal. When you get knocked down and discouraged and you don’t want to go any further, take the next step. Great success often starts with small beginnings, but you have to start somewhere.
For you, it might mean getting up an hour early to exercise. Maybe it’s making your bed in the morning or reading for 30 minutes a day. Whatever it is, take that first step and do it. But don’t quit. Do it again the next day, and the next, and the next…
Do it until you get to the point that if you don’t do it, your day will be ruined because you missed it. That’s when you’re ready to take the next step.
Become Comfortable Being Uncomfortable
I recently listened to an interview with John Calipari, University of Kentucky basketball coach. He said in order for his players to be the best that they can be, his job as a coach is to make them comfortable being uncomfortable. His job is not to coach them at the level they are at now. His job is to coach them where they need to be and where they are capable of being. This means they will be where they have not been before and they are going to be uncomfortable at times. The situations where they struggle and feel pain, where they are taken to their limits is where they truly learn about themselves and become the best that they can be.
Make them comfortable being uncomfortable.
To reach our goals and be successful, we need to do the same thing. We need to become comfortable being uncomfortable. Step out of your comfort zone on a regular basis. The more often you do it, the stronger you’ll become for when you are faced with adversity.
Hold Yourself Accountable Every Single Day
What is it that you need to do today? What is it that will take you closer to your bigger future? How will you make sure that you do it, no matter what?
Get out of the habit of making excuses for yourself. Holding yourself accountable means you’ll do it, end of story. Don’t allow yourself to have excuses. What we allow becomes acceptable. So as soon as you justify why you didn’t do something, you’ve set a standard and it will be that much easier to justify it again the next time.
Hold yourself accountable and don’t accept excuses!
There are a number of different characteristics and habits that will help you to be successful. But if you can master these four, you’ll be well on your way to an amazing life!
Don’t miss any of my posts, click HERE to subcribe